Coping with Stress, Changing my Goal

I took a break from blogging for a while.  I got down to about 131 pounds then crept back up to 134 and am somewhere in between.  (We'll see what I weigh in at tomorrow.) Last Sunday, I weighed in at 134. 

I had a really difficult few weeks where I let stress get the better of me, and I was not eating well.  I got worked up about our homeschool year starting and kept staying up late, looking for ideas on the Internet, ordering books, etc.  I would stay up until 2 AM but still have to get up at 7 or 8, which isn't enough for me.  When I don't get enough sleep, I get really hungry, have less self-control, and start mindlessly snacking.

I kept thinking to myself, I canNOT let myself go just because I get stressed out.  And then I realized that that is just never going to happen.  I have to deal with the stress in a better way, so that it doesn't mess up my sleeping and eating.  I'm working on it.

I also realized that losing these 5 pounds has been such a struggle that I decided to set my goal weight at 129.  If I get up to 130, I will work on losing weight.  If, over the course of praticing portion control and exercising, I get below 129, I certainly will not try to gain back the weight, but I think 129 is a better goal for me that 125.  I don't care that much if the size 4 jeans never fit me again, and I'm tired of stressing myself out about it. 

Here is the plan I've made up for myself:

1)  Use healthy ways to deal with stress (making to-do lists, walking, running, yoga, gardening), so that I minimize sleep loss and mindless eating. 
2)  Get enough sleep.  Go to bed, not to computer, when sleepy.
3)  Practice portion control.  Stop eating when full.  Eat five times a day (3 meals, 2 snacks) and no more.
4)  Exercise every day.  Get cardio (even if it's just walking) 5 times a week for at least 30 minutes and strength training 2 times a week. 
5)  When I realize I've fallen off the eating-exercise wagon, get right back on. 

I think those are do-able rules that will keep me healthy and lean. 

Weekly Weigh-In

So, yesterday I weighed in at 136.6.  And my period was over.  So, there we go, I guess it's time to change my ticker from 135.2 to 136.6. 

I decided that I needed to take my eating and exercise a lot more seriously.  I'm not sure there is any way to lose weight without being at least a tiny bit hungry.  Otherwise, how would I have a calorie deficit?  So, I started doing that today.  I'm not counting calories formally, but I am paying close attention to what I eat and not getting as full.  And I'm kicking the exercise into high gear, as in 1-2 hours a day, 5-7 days a week, until I reach my goal. 

My goal is to get down to 125 by August 1st and then maintain.  Based on past experience, I believe that I can do this. 

Sometimes I do wonder why I care so much.  Everywhere I look, I see people who are much larger than me.  I wear a freaking size small in most clothes, occasionally an extra small, and more occasionally a medium.  I am a size I would never have believed I could have gotten down to at certain points in my life.  Still, I'm a little thick and a little wide, and I really wish my tummy would shrink. 

I know someone in real life who has started a blog.  She is 2 inches taller than me, and her goal weight is not far from my highest weight.  It just kind of puts things in perspective. 

I have another friend who has a completely flat stomach with well-defined ab muscles.  I know I will never get there.  I have neither the motivation, nor, I think, the genetics to get my body fat down that low. 

But what I really need to do is to stop comparing myself to other people. 

A Binge

I went on a terrible binge yesterday, which honestly is fairly unusual for me.  My problem is normally too much grazing and occasional overeating. 

Last night, after driving through Friday evening traffic to take my son to a dress rehearsal for his dance recital, we waited around there for over an hour until he was finished, and then I drove him home through Friday evening traffic.  By the time I got there, I was HUNGRY.  I ate 4 slices of (homemade) pizza, admittedly they were small slices, had 3-4 glasses of wine, and a very generous serving of Oreo ice cream.  I don't even want to know how many calories I consumed. 

Yesterday was also emotional because it was my younger son's last day of preschool, and it just marks the passage of time.  I'm both happy and sad not to have a toddler around anymore. 

I am tired and cranky, and my period is starting.  I am wishing that I had gotten the hormonal IUD instead of the copper one so that I wouldn't have this monthly insanity.  Pre Menstrual Psychosis.  It's not pretty. 

A Setback

I didn't update with my weight last week, and I haven't really weighed all week.  Last Sunday, I weighed in at 137.2.  I was kind of bummed out about it.  I was probably retaining some water.  I had lifted weights, and my period was starting, so it could have been just water.  I haven't exercised well this week, and my eating has been fair, with some snacking problems.  I am feeling very full after my meals, which is good.

I always have problems right before and during my period.  I get extremely sleepy for about a week.
If I don't get extra sleep at night, I will have to lie down one evening and take a nap, where I sleep very heavily.  I don't have bad cramps or migraines, certainly nothing a little naproxen or ibuprofen couldn't handle.

I need something new for next week.  I was thinking about doing a Jillian Michaels video every day, but I think I'll start up with Couch to 5K.  I stopped running over the winter, due to constant colds and the worst sinus infection of my life.  I think I ought to save videos for the winter evenings when it gets dark depressingly early (around 4:30 here), and enjoy the outdoors while I can, even though it will be painfully hot.  Since I need to walk the (damn) dog every morning, and I don't want to try and run with him in the heat, I'll have to go when my husband gets home from work.

Oh, well, it will be okay.  I'm nervous to see what I weigh tomorrow, but whatever it is, I'll deal with it.  At least my pants and shorts fit again, even if they are a tad snug.  Maybe in a month they'll be comfortably loose.